Sunday, October 17, 2010

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK!


8-21 for 83 yards.  2 picks.  A 10.7 passer rating......

Yeah, I liked this broken record better with Mr. Sizzurp.  At least he's got a better backstory.



Tuesday, February 2, 2010

JaMarcus King for a Day!

Im guessing 6 months....

Well, the good folks of Mobile, Alabama have decided to honor JaMarcus for his amazing talents at medocrity by naming him king of their Mardi Gras.  The article details how JaMarcus is proud of his accomplishment and how garish his ensemble will be on parade day.  Also how he apparently has, "thousands of fans."  That's one extended family he's got going there.

In addition, there are some interesting factoids about our favorite walrus of the gridiron including his personal charity, The Arthur "Ray Ray" Russell Foundation for Rolling Readers.  With his $30 million guaranteed money, JaMarcus provides two schools with $1,000 worth of library books every year to help students excel in reading....so long as they are rolling.

I do like the Fat Albert crossed with Mayor McCheese look.  The black jacket hides his pregnancy well.  Hopefully it will fit through his third trimester. 


Even Albert is suprised by the resemblance

Assuming he will have his child before reporting to Spring "training" it will be interesting to see how he gets along with new offensive coordinator/latest attempt of Al Davis to try to fix his sinking ship, Hue Jackson.  Hue Jackson was instrumental in developing Joe Flacco of the Baltimore Ravens into being a decent quarterback so Al naturally assumes he will be do the same for McCheese here.  Problem is Flacco actually cares and is willing put his neck out there.  Jackson will fail in his attempt to get JaMarcus to contribute and Tom Cable will be booted as the head coach as surely as JaMarcus will be the improbable starter on gameday.

But I actually feel bad for Cable since Al Davis hired back Randy Hanson, the same assistance coach that Cable punched in the face and that ran like a bitch to the Oakland PD, the NFL, and every news organziation on the planet to smear Cable, the Raiders, and even Al himself.  But instead of just paying the cancer cell to get out of Dodge, Davis would rather save a few bucks and have the dysfucntion of this team continue to fester and guarantee yet another season of double digit losses.

Which is why Nnamdi Asomugha was making comments at the Pro Bowl of how he'd love to team-up with peer Darelle Revis of the Jets or basically be in any other defensive backfield in the NFL.  As expected, the Raiders best player and shutdown specialist will be out of Oakland as fast as his agent will allow.  Word is that Davis will probably shop him for "talent" but considering how Hayward-Bey and Mike Mitchell were two of the worst draft picks of all-time and the mad genious fail of the Seymour trade, it will be assuredly be more magic beans for the Silver and Black.

But at least we'll have JaMarcus.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

HE'S BAAAAACK!

There are two things in life you can count on.  Death and taxes.  The first one for Al Davis cant get here fast enough.


JaMarcus and his worst QB of all time trophy

So I thought that this blog was JaMarcused.  Even though my friends said, hey write more blog on JaMarcus, I was just JaMarcusing far too much to put in any effort and try to get it done.  Plus, it was safe to assume the era of the worthless piece of shit formerly known as Jamarcus Russell was over.  That maybe the billboard, the worst stretch of losing in NFL history, and the fact that Russell has supplanted Ryan Leaf as the de facto punchline to any joke about the worst quarterback in the history of the NFL guaranteed that in a few years I could just forget about this era of bizzaro Raiders.




Cant you read, cocksucker?


WRONG.


Read THIS:  http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4842263.  In case you are too scared to click on the link, it basically says the Raiders are head coach shopping and are looking for "someone who could work with and develop former No. 1 overall pick Russell."


Yes, I vomited in my mouth also.  Who does JaMarcus need to kill in order to get cut from this fucking team?  Seriously, I wish I could play Hold 'Em against Al Davis so I could watch him continue to chase his losses into oblivion.  When will Al realize that...strike that...he will NEVER realize or admit to his colossally bad decision to draft, reward, and continue to try to win with this enormously bad apple.  Emphasis on enormous.


This team is FUCKED for the foreseeable future.  Know that the entire Raiders roster has no faith in this guy.  Need evidence?  Did you see the Code Red the offensive line pulled on him in the Washington game after Gradkowski was hurt?  6 sacks in one HALF.  Until JaMarcus goes, the healing can't start and the team has proven they WILL play for someone not named Twinkies McRussell but not before.  Yet Al is determined to force feed JaMarcus to the team and any coach desperate or down on his luck enough to take the head coach job.  Which brings me to.....


Need further proof there is no light at the end of the tunnel?  No one WANTS that head coaching job.  No one.  Everyone with real cred has turned it down.  I think I heard Jim Harbaugh actually put Al on speakerphone so the entire Stanford coaching staff could get a good laugh.  Hell, Tony Dungy told Mike Crabtree, "Its good they passed on you, you didnt really want to end up there anyway."  If all around good character guy Dungy is saying stay the fuck away, who do you think is going to answer when the phone rings?  Who's being spoken to currently?   From the SF Chronicle:  "Two people on his interview list have been identified as former Giants coach Jim Fassel, who now coaches UFL champion Las Vegas, and former Raiders offensive coordinator Marc Trestman, the head coach of CFL champion Montreal."  I dont even know WHAT THE FUCK THE UFL IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I feel like I'm watching a remake of the Bad News Bears, only the Bears were actually cool, no way Buttermaker takes the Raiders HC position, and if the Bears were as bad as the Raiders, the city council would have said, "fuck it, go ahead and sue us.  Here's your payout.  We're not allowing that shit in our ballparks."


Its as simple as this:  Al, die you old decrepit fuck, die.  When Satan finally decides to hand over the keys to Hell and put it under your watch, I want to have a huge party, burn JaMarcus jerseys and spread the ashes all over your fucking grave.


Until then, I now have ALOT more to write about.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

OUR DAY OF INFAMY: April 28, 2007


This was the day Al basically threw the franchise over the abyss.  By drafting the fattest dumbest QB in a century but who could throw a ball inaccurately 60 yards from his knees, Al basically doomed the Raiders proud history.

Honorable mention is the 2009 Draft where he basically confirmed that he is a worthless piece of shit at evaluating talent these days by drafting 3rd team All-ACC Darrius Heyward Bey and no team anywhere Mike Mitchell in the 2nd

The team was already mired in mediocrity for 5 years after Al basically was TOO MUCH OF A FUCKING EGO MANIAC AND CHEAP BASTARD to let Gruden run and be the face of the team.  Oh and all those FUCKING RETARDS saying Gruden didnt want to be a part of the Raiders - here he is this week when he went to SF to work MNF:



THAT makes me want to cry.  The guy BLED Silver and Black and Al cast him aside for less money than he gave Jaworthless.  Everyone wanted Chucky to be the face of the Raiders and only you couldnt deal with that.

I thought this blog was done when Gradkowski was named the starter but God doesnt like me and my fellow Raider fans so he promply took him out with a season ending knee injury.  Then JaMarcus came into the game and put up the following stat line: 10-16 for 74 yards, 1 INT and......6 sacks....in 1 half.  Basically if this FAT FUCK wasnt throwing laterally to his halfback like a handoff, he got sacked, didnt complete the pass or got intercepted.  And again...6 sacks in one HALF.  If you saw the game the O-line essentially quit on him - just as everyone except his mother should do.

Word is he wont start again this year so maybe this blog will be retired once more.  One thing is for certain, everyone witnessing this catastrophe wont see anything like this ever again.  Lame-arcus is literally rewriting the book on shitty QBs and the dangers of drafting a crappy one.

Happy Hannukah Al - hopefully for the rest of us this will be your last, YOU WORTHLESS SENILE OLD FUCK.

Monday, November 16, 2009

AL DAVIS MUST DIE


I knew the season was shot on draft day but you always have hope for the teams you love.  But in losing to the Chiefs at home for the 7th time IN A ROW, the Raiders season is effectively over.  Jesus could come down from heaven and single-handedly win every game from here on out and we wouldnt make the playoffs.

JaMarcus' stat line looked like that of Allen Iverson's: 9 for 24 shooting.  For 67 yards.  And a 45.3 passer rating.  Thankfully he did get pulled in the 3rd quarter but you can bet your bottom dollar that he will start next week when Cinci comes to town and will fully capitalize on his awfulness.

Honorable mention also goes to #1 draft pick, Darrius Heyward-Bey who looked like the #3 All-ACC guy we drafted.  Dropped balls, bad routes.  Although with how bad Russell was throwing the ball, the entire receiving corps looked like they were trying out for Cirque de Soleil as they contorted themselves every which way to try to make a play on Russell's uncatchable throws.

What is worse is the fact that as a knowlegeable fan and not some Kool-Aid drinking Hitler youth like some Raider fans seem to be on the Raider blogs, this situation will NOT change until the guy at the top kicks over.  So with that, all I can say is......DIE AL DIE.

Fuck this team.

Fuck this team.

Fuck this team.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Bye week and favorite Raider quotes this season SO FAR:



Really, there have been ALOT.  The Raiders organization has shown their commitment to excellence both on and off the field this season.  From the head coach assaulting oh, everyone to amazing draft picks, the Raiders are showing time and again why they have had the worse record in the NFL the last 7 years.

So with that and with no game to complain about this week, the top quotes this season from my team.  In no particular order since Im sure everyone will find thier favorite.

I’m excited about still letting Oakland see what Javon has to offer because I’m young. I’m in my prime right now. My ability hasn’t changed, my enthusiasm hasn’t changed. I’m just excited to be back to the Javon that was that first year in Denver and the Javon that was in Green Bay and all of a sudden translate it to here. So, that’s what I’m most excited about.” – Javon Walker in training camp.  His performance this year:  0 catches. 0 plays.

Having little quarrels is good, remember that this is football and they’re men. If you have a brother you know it’s OK to settle some things once in awhile.” – Tom Cable on fights in camp.  This is before the beatdown of assistant Randy Hanson but apparently after his altercations with his wife and two other women.

"Cable, bumaye" - What Raiders players chanted to Tom Cable at practice after the assault on Hanson.  This is a reference to when Ali fought George Foreman in Zaire.  Translation?  "Cable, kill him."

I think Russell was in here at 6:30. That’s step one. The thing’s he continues to need to do is stay the course and just maybe do a little bit more.” - Raiders QB Charlie Frye in week SEVEN talking about Jamarcus improving his work ethic and actually trying to earn his $30 million guaranteed.

"Obviously, on certain plays, things happen that are beyond your control.  But, other than that, I think I did alright." - Jamarcus Russell after his 22.2 QB rating stinkbomb against Denver at home where he threw for 61 yards 0 TDs and 2 INTs.

"I've been very solid" - First round pick Darrius Heyward-Bey on his play through the first 8 weeks of the season.  He has 5 catches for 74 yards.....all year.  Holdout Michael Crabtree had as many catches his first game.  Other first rounders Percy Harvin and Jeremy Maclin have over 350 yards receiving and 3 TDs each plus done PR/KR work.

"I do not like knocking teams. But right now, they're struggling. We're playing that game the other day and, honestly, it felt like a scrimmage, like a practice," - Giants LB Antonio Pierce after thier 44-7 destruction of the Raiders in week 5.

"We're just one solid week from turning this around and getting it all together.  We just need to get that spark." - Tom Cable on the Raiders at 2-6 going into the bye week.

"ESPN's role in this matter must be carefully examined. ESPN routinely disseminates falsehoods about the Raiders. During the last year, ESPN (working with someone who was in this organization) engaged in a calculated effort to distort the truth about the Raiders, utilizing lies and innuendo."  - official response from the Raiders organization after ESPN broke story about Cable's past women bashing.  Yup, even ESPN is out to get the Raiders!  We are completely delusional from the top down.

“I'm new to this aspect of football.  At Florida, you lose, it's fucking the end of the world and you try to get it done.  Here you have more room for losses.” - WR Louis Murphy from 2 time national champion Florida.  This quote is the most stomach churning of all to me.  It shows how this team is an absolute mess and completely Jamarcused (fucked up).  Even when we get it right and draft a great player who has the desire to win hardwired into his brain (watch this guy EVERY play, he is ALWAYS moving, making blocks, hustling, WANTING TO WIN) we will manage to fuck it up.  I hope he gets traded just so he doesnt get Raider cancer and lose his awesome work ethic and drive.



AND my personal fav just because it sums everything up:

“I haven’t been here long, but it’s been interesting. It’s my third year, and there’s never a dull moment . . . guys are like, `What happened? Oh.’ Then it’s back to work. Nothing surprises you any more.” – DE Jay Richardson on playing in Oakland

Monday, November 2, 2009

EYE OF THE TIGER!


I will admit, I didnt believe the rumors that you were even getting up at 6:30AM this weekend to study game film but the work definitely showed!  The payoff?

14 of 22 attempts, 109 yards, only 1 INT!  56.3 passer rating.  DUH......DUH DUH DUH.....DUH DUH DUH...DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUUH.  You were a regular Rocky today!  Wonder if Burgess Meredith was also helping you try to catch chickens that early in the morning?  Im guessing not since you were sacked 5 times.

I also liked how your 2nd throw of the day was right to Cromartie.  Too bad he doesnt play for us - it was the most accurate throw you had.  Then, to ensure you didnt get picked off again, every pass from then on was about 10 yards ahead, behind, left or right of the receiver.  Maybe its because you keep practicing that mean sky hook of yours.....KEEP YOUR FEET PLANTED YOU MORON!  THIS ISNT BASKETBALL!

Somehow the Chargers are bad enough to let us creep back in this game but you still stink.  Rumor has it you get the start again next time.  AWESOME.  I expect nothing less from the organization and Al at this point.

As Tob Cable said after your epic performance:  “He seemed very much to be in control today," Cable said. "A couple throws he’d probably like to have over again, but for the most part he gave us a chance to win today."

OR as Mr. Balboa said for himself after the game, "I did a pretty good job."

See you in two weeks Chet.