Sunday, October 17, 2010

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK!


8-21 for 83 yards.  2 picks.  A 10.7 passer rating......

Yeah, I liked this broken record better with Mr. Sizzurp.  At least he's got a better backstory.



Tuesday, February 2, 2010

JaMarcus King for a Day!

Im guessing 6 months....

Well, the good folks of Mobile, Alabama have decided to honor JaMarcus for his amazing talents at medocrity by naming him king of their Mardi Gras.  The article details how JaMarcus is proud of his accomplishment and how garish his ensemble will be on parade day.  Also how he apparently has, "thousands of fans."  That's one extended family he's got going there.

In addition, there are some interesting factoids about our favorite walrus of the gridiron including his personal charity, The Arthur "Ray Ray" Russell Foundation for Rolling Readers.  With his $30 million guaranteed money, JaMarcus provides two schools with $1,000 worth of library books every year to help students excel in reading....so long as they are rolling.

I do like the Fat Albert crossed with Mayor McCheese look.  The black jacket hides his pregnancy well.  Hopefully it will fit through his third trimester. 


Even Albert is suprised by the resemblance

Assuming he will have his child before reporting to Spring "training" it will be interesting to see how he gets along with new offensive coordinator/latest attempt of Al Davis to try to fix his sinking ship, Hue Jackson.  Hue Jackson was instrumental in developing Joe Flacco of the Baltimore Ravens into being a decent quarterback so Al naturally assumes he will be do the same for McCheese here.  Problem is Flacco actually cares and is willing put his neck out there.  Jackson will fail in his attempt to get JaMarcus to contribute and Tom Cable will be booted as the head coach as surely as JaMarcus will be the improbable starter on gameday.

But I actually feel bad for Cable since Al Davis hired back Randy Hanson, the same assistance coach that Cable punched in the face and that ran like a bitch to the Oakland PD, the NFL, and every news organziation on the planet to smear Cable, the Raiders, and even Al himself.  But instead of just paying the cancer cell to get out of Dodge, Davis would rather save a few bucks and have the dysfucntion of this team continue to fester and guarantee yet another season of double digit losses.

Which is why Nnamdi Asomugha was making comments at the Pro Bowl of how he'd love to team-up with peer Darelle Revis of the Jets or basically be in any other defensive backfield in the NFL.  As expected, the Raiders best player and shutdown specialist will be out of Oakland as fast as his agent will allow.  Word is that Davis will probably shop him for "talent" but considering how Hayward-Bey and Mike Mitchell were two of the worst draft picks of all-time and the mad genious fail of the Seymour trade, it will be assuredly be more magic beans for the Silver and Black.

But at least we'll have JaMarcus.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

HE'S BAAAAACK!

There are two things in life you can count on.  Death and taxes.  The first one for Al Davis cant get here fast enough.


JaMarcus and his worst QB of all time trophy

So I thought that this blog was JaMarcused.  Even though my friends said, hey write more blog on JaMarcus, I was just JaMarcusing far too much to put in any effort and try to get it done.  Plus, it was safe to assume the era of the worthless piece of shit formerly known as Jamarcus Russell was over.  That maybe the billboard, the worst stretch of losing in NFL history, and the fact that Russell has supplanted Ryan Leaf as the de facto punchline to any joke about the worst quarterback in the history of the NFL guaranteed that in a few years I could just forget about this era of bizzaro Raiders.




Cant you read, cocksucker?


WRONG.


Read THIS:  http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4842263.  In case you are too scared to click on the link, it basically says the Raiders are head coach shopping and are looking for "someone who could work with and develop former No. 1 overall pick Russell."


Yes, I vomited in my mouth also.  Who does JaMarcus need to kill in order to get cut from this fucking team?  Seriously, I wish I could play Hold 'Em against Al Davis so I could watch him continue to chase his losses into oblivion.  When will Al realize that...strike that...he will NEVER realize or admit to his colossally bad decision to draft, reward, and continue to try to win with this enormously bad apple.  Emphasis on enormous.


This team is FUCKED for the foreseeable future.  Know that the entire Raiders roster has no faith in this guy.  Need evidence?  Did you see the Code Red the offensive line pulled on him in the Washington game after Gradkowski was hurt?  6 sacks in one HALF.  Until JaMarcus goes, the healing can't start and the team has proven they WILL play for someone not named Twinkies McRussell but not before.  Yet Al is determined to force feed JaMarcus to the team and any coach desperate or down on his luck enough to take the head coach job.  Which brings me to.....


Need further proof there is no light at the end of the tunnel?  No one WANTS that head coaching job.  No one.  Everyone with real cred has turned it down.  I think I heard Jim Harbaugh actually put Al on speakerphone so the entire Stanford coaching staff could get a good laugh.  Hell, Tony Dungy told Mike Crabtree, "Its good they passed on you, you didnt really want to end up there anyway."  If all around good character guy Dungy is saying stay the fuck away, who do you think is going to answer when the phone rings?  Who's being spoken to currently?   From the SF Chronicle:  "Two people on his interview list have been identified as former Giants coach Jim Fassel, who now coaches UFL champion Las Vegas, and former Raiders offensive coordinator Marc Trestman, the head coach of CFL champion Montreal."  I dont even know WHAT THE FUCK THE UFL IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I feel like I'm watching a remake of the Bad News Bears, only the Bears were actually cool, no way Buttermaker takes the Raiders HC position, and if the Bears were as bad as the Raiders, the city council would have said, "fuck it, go ahead and sue us.  Here's your payout.  We're not allowing that shit in our ballparks."


Its as simple as this:  Al, die you old decrepit fuck, die.  When Satan finally decides to hand over the keys to Hell and put it under your watch, I want to have a huge party, burn JaMarcus jerseys and spread the ashes all over your fucking grave.


Until then, I now have ALOT more to write about.